Darkness

There is darkness in all of us, more prominent in some than in others. Sometimes you meet someone once and just get the feeling he or she is not a good person. People can do everything to try and convince you they are suave and charming, but something inside you just screams at you to keep your guard up; even if your loved ones fall for it and try to tell you that you are being paranoid, something inside you knows better. Sometimes it’s even more obvious and they don’t even try to pretend otherwise, and you can practically see the dark cloud that follows them around and the trail of destruction they leave behind. But sometimes it surprises you. Sometimes you think you know someone, perhaps you even share a life with them, live under the same roof, break bread, share walls, spend every day together, and even then you can still fail to recognise the darkness brewing deep within their blood.

This was certainly how I felt as I watched the scene in front of me unfold. I felt my blood run cold as I stared in shock at the darkness that now seemed so obvious I wondered why I had never seen it before. I blinked hard several times as I tried to understand and come to terms with what I was witnessing—to knock myself out of this horrible reverie and actually do something, anything to stop it … to save her, but I couldn’t move.

A thousand different thoughts flashed through my mind all at once as my body tensed all over. I wasn’t even sure I was breathing anymore, let alone actually seeing anything. But it felt too real. It looked too real. It didn’t have those fuzzy edges like dreams did. It didn’t have that dull colour or that stifled sound. It was all so vivid, so clear, and so loud—her screams, the lights, the movements. The silence that filled the air around me was too loud to bear and the darkness that radiated from the scene before my eyes too bright. I almost felt as though I was there, in front of her, feeling every spark of fear, every ounce of disbelief, every bit of desperation as I realised what was about to happen. My heart pounded in my ears as my head swam. Was this what it felt like to have a panic attack? Adrenalin coursing through my veins, heightening all my senses till it was just too much. I felt my consciousness curl up into a little ball somewhere deep inside my brain, shaking like a scared dog that knows it’s about to be beaten unfairly. I wanted to scream and cry and fight all at the same time, but I couldn’t find the voice or the tears or even myself for that matter. I was lost somewhere, shrunken into myself far beyond revival.

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