To A Younger Drishti

Writing Burst Prompt:

You have been given a one-time access to a time machine to visit your younger self. After a brief pause, you know the when and the where, hop into the machine and take off. When there, you chat with your younger self but offer one piece of advice to him/her that you hope will change his/her future for the better.

Start with your arrival in the time machine and end with your arrival in the future, noticing something that has changed.

Stepping out of the purple glow that encapsulated me inside the metallic time machine, I felt butterflies flutter in the pit of my stomach. Somehow the cylindrical tube of dull grey that had surrounded me for the last few minutes was comforting, cocooning. Now, I was stepping out into the year 2004 and tracking down a stubborn, hormonal, twelve year old version of myself who hadn’t the slightest inkling about the pain and guilt she would face if she let that stubborn ego control this situation.

I felt nervous. I knew better than anyone how difficult it would be to convince that twelve-year old girl that she was actually wrong about something, but this was important. This was a once in a lifetime chance to erase the biggest heartbreak I had ever faced, the one that continues to haunt me, even after all these years.

I felt my chest tighten just thinking about it. If I was successful today, maybe I could even prevent her death. At the very least I knew that I could prevent our friendship from ending the way it did. I could save myself the tears and the guilt that I have carried around with me since that day. I quickened my pace and ran towards my old house, only stopping to catch my breath when I finally stood in front of the cream coloured bricks and the round glass window that stood above the white door. I heard snoopy barking, before I saw his brown fluffy figure approaching the white metal gate. Tears pricked my eyes as the urge to cuddle my late dog filled my heart. I didn’t realise that I had started to crouch toward him until he started pouncing at the barriers of the gate, trying to get to me. At least he still recognised me…. Even if I was about seven years older than the last time I saw him alive.

I wasn’t sure it was safe to ring the bell and let my grandmother see me standing at the gate, when there was a younger version of me inside the house and I looked about thirteen years older than I should. I didn’t want to give her a heart attack, so I ducked away from the house to look for a big stick. Once I found one, I threw it towards the driveway that led towards the back yard and waited as snoopy ran out of sight to go and retrieve the stick. That was when I propped my foot firmly into one of the holes in the intricate metal gate and pushed off the ground with the other leg, before throwing it over the top and landing on the tiled walkway that led towards our front door.

I was so grateful that I had chosen a warm summer’s day to come back to, because It was easy enough to prop my mother’s bedroom window open, since the vent for her air-conditioner kept the window open. It was then I realised just how easy it would have been for a burglar to break into our house. I wasn’t here to steal anything though, I just needed to get into my childhood room and give myself a good talking to.

I heard my mother’s voice on the other side of her bedroom door as I shuffled around trying to think of a better plan. I hid behind the door, holding my breath as it started to open towards me. I let out a sigh of relief when I heard my grandmother calling my mother and the door started to close again.

Once their voices trailed off towards the kitchen, I quietly opened the door and ducked across the hall to my own bedroom door and quickly stepped inside and shut the door behind me.

“Mama, I am doing my homework, you don’t need to….” Eyes widened, mouth hung open, brow furrowed, pen fell to the ground. My heart raced. Crap. It had only taken me about a minute to figure out the time and place I needed to come back to, and it had never needed to think about what advice I would give to my younger self, It was something I always knew, but standing in front of the obviously very confused twelve-year-old girl, I was lost for words.

“Hi” I chocked out finally. “Please don’t scream!” “Am I dreaming?” she squeaked out in that annoying pre-pubescent voice that was once mine.

I took a quick glance around the room. Purple and turquoise bed linen, mosquito-net canopy surrounding the silver princess like bedframe. Posters all over every inch of the walls: Delta Goodrem, Zac Efron and….. The Charmed Ones. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so hard to explain after all.

“Yes. You are.” I started, hoping that this would work. “Remember that episode of Charmed when Piper goes back in time to tell Past Piper to go left instead of going right and it winds up saving Phoebe and Paige’s lives?” That episode had already aired in 2004 right?

“Yeah! I love that episode, I watched it just the other day!” her eyes sparkled. Phew!

“Ok well this is just like that!” I said, trying to mirror her excitement.

“You want me to turn left, instead of right when I walk down the street? Wait, who is going to die??” Crap. I was almost certain that I was not allowed to tell her that.

“No one. Listen to me Drishti this is important.” Her head tilted to the side slightly, an expression I swear she learned from snoopy.

“You and Ashi are going to fight soon.” She scowled. “I am getting so tired of fighting with her. She is so spoilt and gets upset with me over the silliest things!”

“Drishti! You are older than her, You are supposed to be her big sister, her Didi.” “We’re not sisters though and I am only like three months older than her!” She whined.

“You are un-biological sisters. Your grandparents and her grandparents were friends too, she is your best friend, that’s closer than sisters!” I pleaded.

“But…” “No, listen. You are going to fight and it is going to be the biggest fight you have ever had and you are going to want to give up on her, but you can’t!” tears pricked my eyes again. Controlling them was useless at this stage. My voice broke on the last word as it was.

“What’s wrong?” She said quietly. “Just trust me Dri. Whatever you do, do not let her go. If you do, you will regret it for the rest of your life! Friends like her do not come around everyday and they need to be treasured. Ashi has been so loyal to you and she would follow you off a cliff. I know she is a little spoilt but damn it Drishti; so are you! Remember that the things she says when she is upset, she doesn’t mean. Forgive her and move on together. Let it make you stronger, don’t let it tear you apart!” I could barely speak anymore as tears began to run down my cheeks.

She stayed quiet. Her eyes widened in shock and her lips pressed into a tight line. I could see confusion and worry fill her eyes as they glassed over as well.

“I have to get going, but just promise me that you will never let her go.” She continued to stare at me blankly.

“Drishti!” I said sharply.

“I promise,” she said, shaking her head slightly.

“Ok. Thank you. By the way, on April 27th, 2008 get her to stay over with you. Just stay in and watch movies together…… Stay..... safe!” I choked out, struggling to hold back the sobs.

Unable to control myself any longer, I reached forward and threw my arms around her, holding her close and effectively ruining my cover of this being a dream. I allowed myself five more seconds before I pulled away and ducked out the window that led to the side of the house.

Snoopy was back at the front garden with the stick when I reached the gate. Allowing myself one last moment of weakness, I ruffled his soft ears and gave him a quick cuddle before throwing the stick back towards the drive way and climbing back over the gate.

As I stalked back down the street towards the alley that I had stepped out of the time machine on, I felt the butterflies return to my stomach. What if she didn’t listen to me? What if that was all for nothing? Even more, what if it worked but I still couldn’t shake the guilt and the pain that I had been carrying around? What if it wouldn’t matter because this version of me had already experienced losing Ashi?

Unable to cope with the possibilities swirling around my brain, I picked up my pace, feeling the thoughts blur more and more every time my feet pounded against the cold, hard pavement, feeling my heartbeat echo through my mind and replace all negative thoughts and self doubt.

I felt fear rise up my throat as I finally rounded the last corner and turned into the alley. This was it…. Judgement day. I felt dark, gloomy clouds reign in above me as I stepped up to the time-machine that disguised itself behind an old pine tree. My breath caught as I stepped back inside the glowing tube and watched as the world blurred past me.

“There you are! I have been looking everywhere for you! Where did you go Di?” I blinked once, twice, three times, forcing the image before me to clear, but she didn’t vanish the way she usually did. Her big brown eyes starred right back into mine as her brow furrowed with worry. Her long dark hair contrasted so beautifully against her fair milky face, her features more defined than the last time I saw her, ten years before. Her voice was deeper, and the slight lines around her eyes clearly highlight the extra decade. Despite the differences that age brought though, it was definitely her.

My heart stopped as this realisation set in. It was her. She was here, standing right in front of me. That had to mean that it worked didn’t it? Needing more proof I threw my arms around her. I felt moisture against my cheeks as I realised that I hadn’t fallen towards the ground. I was hugging her! She was alive! It worked! A loud, piercing sob escaped from my lips as I held her more closely.

“I missed you too.” She said against my hair as she hugged me back.

Author's Note: Well that was an emotional story to write.... Guess the cat's outa the bag now huh? This is my secret pain.... My greatest heartbreak. That is actually my old house by the way; the one I described....

#fiction #heartbreak #love #regret