Bondi Beach

Where do I even begin?

My parents and I moved to Sydney from Jakarta Indonesia in 1997 when I was 5 years old. We moved into an apartment in Bondi.

We spent many many weekends on the grassy area near Bondi Pavillion having picnics with my grandparents and cousins. I would chase the pigeons down the hill there.

As a teen, I swam in those waters, played in that sand.

We had dinner at an italian restaurant there every Monday night.

I had my first date with my husband there, at the same italian restaurant I frequented as a kid and teen. The owners and staff knew me on sight and knew exactly what I was ordering.

I skated on the rink there many winters during the winter festivals.

I attended events at the pavillion, watched movies at the bondi open air cinema.

I have parked my car in that very same carpark and crossed that very same bridge, countless times.

I grew up in Bondi. Bondi has been my home for almost 30 years.

I lived in the area for most of my life. Bondi Junction Westfield is still my local, I am there several times a week.

I also taught at a Jewish school in the area for three years. I learnt all the songs and celebrated Channukah with them for years. I have many Jewish friends. My doctor is Jewish and he is truy my hero!

The events that transpired at Bondi Beach on the 14th of December, 2025 are truly devastating to me. I know that it has been heartbreaking for every Australian, because this doesn't happen here and because Bondi Beach is so well known.

I also know that friends and colleagues have been shocked and saddened by it but have also started to move on with their lives.

Meanwhile, I cannot think about anything else. I can't stop reading news coverage as it rolls in, I start crying every few hours and I am filled with fear that I have never felt before.

I feel like someone set fire to my childhood home. like this place that was a symbol of innocence, security, comfort and peace has been burnt to the ground.

My heart bleeds for the Jewish community and I want to make it very clear that I stand with them 10000%

I woke up on Monday morning, after having barely slept, suddenly fearing that a gunman was going to show up at the school I work at, or just on my street.

I woke up to news that Police were investigating the Jewish school I used to work at after a suspicious parcel showed up there. More fear, more heartbreak.

And now we discover that the shooters were of an Indian background and not even new arrivals who feel foreign to me and my family too. They migrated here in the 80s - just like my grandparents did. The son was born here. Just like many of my friends and cousins. They would have Australian accents and behaviours.... Just like me.

And now I am horrified all over again. To think that anyone like me could be responsible for anything like this.

I know there is evidence that suggests that they were inspired by radical extremist groups. But it still feels horrific that anyone that has any similarlity to me could be capable of such hate and antisemitism.

I have watched people show up at Bondi Beach on the news, with flowers and candles, paying their respects. I want so deeply to do the same but I honestly don't feel like I can as yet. But I know that I need to soon.

I don't know how I will ever walk across that bridge ever again. How I will ever sit on that grass or visit the pavillion or eat at one of the restaurants and not feel haunted by what has happened.

This doesn't happen here. This is not the Australia I grew up in. These are not the Indians I descend from.